Herring Potter - Part 11

Herring Potter And The Sorcerer's Salmon - Halloween Hijinx

It took a while for Herring's excitement of winning the first Squidditch match of the year to wear off. Spiffindor had thrown a party the night after in the team's honour, and they'd stayed up for so long, Herring found himself 10 minutes late for his first subject next morning. Not only that, but people were being uncharacteristically nice to him. He couldn't walk between classes without recieving a "Heya, Herring" or "Nice play at the match, Herring".

He was also getting through his lessons quite well. All his limbs were still remaining, and he was managing to keep up with the classes. Even Crepe was finding his work harder to criticise nowadays, and had decided to settle with giving evil stares from a distance.

"I still don't get why Crepe hates me so much!" Herring said frustratedly, after one of his lessons.

"Flying up her robes might have had something to do with it," Tron said.

"She hated me before then. Maybe it's some kind of ancient grudge she had with my father who incidentally teased him at school along with his four animagus friends who got up to all sorts of adventures!"

"God Herring," Tron said exaperatedly, "where do you think up this crap?"

---

It was two days before Halloween, when Tron and Herring spotted a notice pinned to the wall, on their way to the common room.

"Halloween Feast to take place on Halloween"

"Fairly redundant," Herring said. They continued to read.

"All students will be required to dress in costume, lest ye suffer the wrath of a thousand fishboys. Please be at the Great Hall by 6PM sharpish. 5.55PM if you're feeling organised."

"MORE dressing up," Tron groaned, "what is this, some kind of... clothes wearing... lots of... thing... yeah."

"What are going to wear?" Herring said, looking around as if the answer would pop out of thin air. It didn't magically appear, but it did smack him right in the side of the head.

"Motherfisher, what was that?" he said angrily, looking around to see what had hit him. A magazine lay crumpled on the floor. He smoothed it out.

"Dogwarts Halloween Catalogue 2004," Herring read aloud. "For all your dress up and head pelting needs." Flicking through the pages, he noticed hundreds of halloween costumes, ranging from fairies to werewolves, and one that even looked suspiciously like a chicken. Tron peered excitedly over his shoulder.

"Wow, that was lucky!" he said, "we should go pick something out."

They headed back to the common room, where they spent the next two hours poring through the catalogue, discussing the pros and cons of being a vampire over a troll. Finally, the pair came to a decision. Herring decided to go dressed as a pirate, and Tron chose a nice Professor Tikwick costume. Herring pulled a face.

"I guess that spell has some lasting effects then."

---

When they awoke next morning, the costumes had magically appeared at the end of their beds. Or at least, he hoped. He didn't like the thought of delivery people wandering into his dormitory at night. They both unfolded the packages, to inspect the costume.

"Awesome, it's even got a Tikiwick Brand Vanity Mirror!" Tron said enthusiastically, examining himself in it. However, Herring was less than pleased. He'd unfolded what appeared to be a bright pink tutu, ballet slippers and a pair of lilac wings.

"I gotta say, Herring, I haven't seen any pirates dressed as ballerinas before."

"Tron, just... Shut up."

For the rest of the morning, Herring tried desperately to get a replacement costume, but it was no use. The magazine had promply burst into flames after they'd chosen their outfits, and there was no sign of a return address. By 5.30, Herring had resigned to the fact he was stuck as Fairy Fishboy Princess. He quickly pulled on the outfit, fevently hoping they served cyanide at the refreshments table.

On the way down to the Feast, he heard several people sniggering as he walked past. Trying desperately to ignore them, he sped up, with Tron in his wake.

"Slow down!" he called, almost tripping over his robes.

"Can we just get this over with?" Herring said sullenly. They walked into the Great Hall, where they beheld perhaps the strangest sight they'd seen yet. The hall was a sea of colour, with students dressed as every creature under the sun. Herring spotted monsters, animals, celebrities, and even a few household items. He carefully walked through the crowd, almost knocking over a spoon and a Yeti.

"Sorry!" he called backwards, trying to find a seat at the house table. He and Tron eventually found somewhere to sit, between a severed thumb and a spider. No sooner had they gotten comfortable, when they were approached by, to Herring's complete and utter horror, five girls dressed as Fishboys. One was also wearing a blonde wig and platform boots. Herring guessed she'd tried to mix her costume with a Britney Spears one.

"Wow, you're looking... pretty, tonight Herring," said the nearest. He recognised it to be Tho Peing. Herring was disconcerted by the lack of sarcasm in her voice. The other four nodded in unison, like some kind of horrible fishgirl robots.

"Eer, thanks! You guys look very... like me," Herring said. They giggled.

"Of course we do, Herring!"

"Isn't he a dear when he says stupid things?"

Herring looked at the desk, his face burning with embarrassment. He didn't need this parade of fangirls attracting attention to him. He slowly slid beneath the table, his circlet the only thing visible.

"COMEOUTFROMUNDERTHERE!" Mermione said, kicking him hard in the shins.

"Ouch!" he exclaimed, rubbing his leg. He noticed Mermione was dressed as a textbook.

"YOU'REGOINGTOMISSTHEENTERTAINMENT!"

Herring glanced over at the stage. It was lit up, and there were people setting up band equipment. Herring instantly recognised the person stood at the microhpone, from the picture in the Daily Muppet.

"That's Smilius Black, that mass murderer!"

"What? It can't be! That's just stupid, Herring," Tron said, as a matter of factly.

"But... the banner above the stage reads 'Smilius And The Murderers'"

"What? No, they must be some kind of tribute band. You know, like... Herring And The Fishboys?" Herring was about to ask Tron if he was just joking about that, when the guitarist struck up a chord. He turned to watch the stage. The band all looked fairly bedraggled, as if their clothes had been through a paper shredder. He suspected this was the case, as one of them had a shredder attached to the sleeve of their jacket. The lead vocalist began to sing.

"I escaped from Spazzkaban,
Not so long ago,
With my heart of evil
And my band in tow

Well we searched high and low,
For the enemy at hand
Herring was his name
The fish who walked on land

Many years back
The dark lord did arise
but that little fish boy
Oh he caused his DEMIISEE!

Oh, we're gonna getcha
Getcha
Run fast Herring Potter
Potter
Cos you can betcha
Betcha
I'LL BE THERE
To kill ya!"

Nobody seemed to notice that Herring was clutching the plate in front of him so hard, he managed to leave dents. He was completely sure that this WAS the real Smilius Black, and further more, everyone was enjoying themselves far too much to notice that this man wanted to kill him. The song continued for another 3 verses, which described in detail how he'd commit the atrocity. Feeling rather ill, Herring quietly slipped out of the hall, and sat in the corridor.

"I can't believe this," he said to himself, "why does he want to kill me? I don't even remember causing any kind of Dark Lord downfalls." He sat thinking to himself, through a half hour set. Some of the songs included "Battered Fishboy and Chips", "I Killed 13 People With One Curse" and "Hommage The The Dark Lord." The set ended with much screaming and clapping, people cheering loudly for the best part of 10 minutes. He saw Tron emerge from the door.

"Wow, Herring, that was an amazing set. I might have to buy their CD!"

"Tron, that man wants to kill me! He-"

"-And the guitar riffs were superb! Did you hear that solo in 'Betraying My Friends'. Absolutely stunning. Anyway, I just came to find you, the food's out."

The thought of eating made Herring feel ill, but he went back in anyway. However, the sight of all the wonderful dishes made him forget all about the events of the past hour, and he sat down and helped himself to at least four plates of food. Afterwards, both he and Tron felt rather full.

"There's a disco on in a minute, do you want to stay?" one of the Spiffindors asked him.

"No thanks," Herring muttered. He was quite surprised the waistband of the tutu hadn't snapped, with the amount of food he'd eaten. "I'm gonna go to bed."

"Me too," Tron said, rising slowly from his chair. The pair set off through the entrance hall, towards the staircase. Suddenly, a dog burst through the door, and pounced on Tron.

"OUCH!" Tron yelled, as the dog grabbed him by the face, and dragged him out of the hall.

"Tron!" Herring yelled, in hot pursuit. What was the dog doing? Herring ran as fast as he could, knowing only one thing. He had to save his friend from the vicious face eating dog.

---

What will become of Tron? Will he require major facial reconstruction after the ordeal? Will Herring save the day whilst dressed as a fairy princess? Stay tuned for part 12 of HERRING POTTER AND THE SORCERER'S SALMON